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How do you explain the depth of joy and enchantment that you can feel, from seeing a single wildflower growing out of the rubble of an abandoned lot. Or how you can feel the flight of birds swooping and darting through the sky. The wind in the trees making you sway and laugh to the rhythm of their song. Or communing with a blade of grass, glistening and shimmering with the sunlight caught in its dew. How all these single moments can stretch into an eternity and depth that is hard to escape from. Or how the puzzles you can see in them can spread and interact. The pieces coming to you from all the connections of that single moment.
How do you explain how you feel and see and understand so much. How it affects you and how you can interact with it. The depth of your feelings, of the rawness of your emotions. How your soul can dance to a tune played over and over again. How your body moves to the rhythms of the world it's immersed in. All the joy, the sadness, the contentment and frustration spilling out into a dance of its own. A communication of your own part in all of this, the song you're adding to the whole. In the sounds and movements, the gestures and repetitions.
How do you explain any of this to a world that doesn't see it, or understand it. To a world that only sees what it wants to and to understand only what's true for it. Who will misunderstand and blame, who will censure and try to erase all that we are saying and all that we are expressing. Who will spend all their energy trying to convert us into them. How can we learn to trust ourselves. To let our song grow and mature and learn to see it's worth and the path we should always have been on, How can we do this when all we can see is that we are alone and that they are many and always singing the same song, in the various ways of love and hate and so all we can do is to learn to mask early. To deny and ignore our very selves in self-defence. To eventually learn to see only our wrongness and their rightness and then carry that always through our life, the final barrier between us and who we could have become.
@pathfinder @actuallyautistic Earlier today, i thought... I wish someone would invent a device that could show a visual representation of how we feel. A real measurement, like people measure brainwaves and ultra-red colors outside of the visible spectrum.
Surely our feelings are emitting some kind of energy, I wish we could show them, how much we glow.
@GreenRoc @pathfinder @actuallyautistic
Weirdly, I think this could be possible... but maybe a little invasive. Psychology has worked out quite a lot about the mechanisms of feelings, with neurotransmitters, neurohormones, activation of certain brain regions, chemicals in the peripheral nervous system, and IIRC a few other really interesting factors.
A person willing to be hooked up to the right things could probably (?), even with today's technology, broadcast their feelings to at least a basic degree. Those could be turned into any transcode you want: colors or shapes or movement on screens (or cool-ass reactive clothes), smells, sounds, etc.
Some of the subtleties would be lost unless a person wanted to run around with many electrochemically-sensitive needles installed in their brain and other places, but I think some solid basics could be displayed.
Now I have to think about whether I think this would be a good idea, you know, socially, not just for one person. It's probably one of those things that would end up in a dystopian sci fi novel, because many of my ideas are like that.
@guyjantic @GreenRoc @pathfinder @actuallyautistic
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@xris @GreenRoc @pathfinder @actuallyautistic
Wow. So few words to express such a horrifyingly big thought.